i’m 2 years out from deconstructing christianity. my question is this. why do women and black people need movements if the church exists? shouldn’t that be their job…advocating for the oppressed?
why do unhoused and orphans exist?
the church is useless outside of propaganda and indoctrination for the patriarchy.
Thank you 🤗 and woah, what a journey to go on! 2 years is still fresh too (does the fear of hell go away ever, I’m not sure???) - but yes I absolutely agree. I’m a few years out too, and the further I get from it all, the more independent I become etc…the worse everything I believed in the church and my situation ages
I'm amazed this is still happening in 2026. It's like no one read all those novels or memoirs or saw all those movies, docudramas or fictional, about abused women. They were being written/produced from the 1980s through the very recent past.
I think it may represent an attempt to return to childhood, to have someone make all the decisions for you.
Christianity is also an attempt to return to childhood for many people--God the Father telling them what to do. If it was only "God," an abstract representation, it would probably be ok, but the childhood seekers turn to male authority figures such as pastors and priests to tell them what to do.
I lived it and I’m still amazed too! And we are (or at the least, I was) living in probably the most privileged position it gets, being in Sydney Australia etc. Imagine one step out - rural perhaps? Or another country all together. Often it starts young, more often than not it’s picking at an old wound. I entered my situation very traumatised and still processing, and absolutely *did* want someone to tell me what to do while nothing at all made sense. I’m sure something I’ll eventually unpack properly!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. We need more women in the Assyrian community speaking up and naming these issues to stop the brainwashing under the title of “saving the culture,” “being a good woman,” or “religious beliefs” narratives that too often end up empowering men at women’s expense. Your voice matters, and it creates space for others to speak too ❤️
Thank you so much Nuhara, that means a lot 🤍 absolutely. I don’t need to tell you Assyrian women are built the strongest possible. There needs to be a way out of a bad situation that isn’t rejecting culture or religion, and I hope these safe spaces can grow in the community xx
A woman's ministry leader at a church would be a great ally to have. Do you think she was genuinely interested in helping you, or was she just working within the patriarchal system, not realizing that her goodwill was abused too?
That absolutely would have been the ideal, but I found more often than not church leaders are not trauma-informed or trained to see signs of abuse. I personally don't believe that she thought I was being abused, and ultimately the sin of leaving a marriage would be (in their eyes) much greater than the sin of anything else that could have happened. I believe this because I was still in a very vulnerable state and I asked her, "Well, if I'm being abused, can't I leave a marriage?" She said, "It's important you get to safety; that's what we tell women." I know this way of speaking really well in the church. You can't say outrightly that in no way biblically does it actually allow you to leave a marriage because of abuse. The only reason you can leave is if someone cheats (even then, you can't remarry) or if someone dies. Another person under her in the church (her second in command) actually messaged me a huge paragraph about how I should humble myself and follow God's way, not my own way, and pretty much return to my ex. Beyond that, when I felt strong enough to share a bit more about what happened at church, like some of the stuff the men had said, I reached out to her again, wanting to email the pastor about some of the things that had happened. She was extremely resistant and quite difficult, asking the dreaded "why now?"...but I finally got the email, and when I did email, of course I didn't hear anything back. For context, this was still when I was very Christian and still quite indoctrinated! For further context, I went to bible college for a number of years and studied theology! Sorry for the paragraph
The author states she reached out in part to report back to ex. Which she did despite the author disclosing abuse in the marriage. Her motivations were not altruistic rather driven by an agenda. Who knows the level of her complicity with vs use by the patriarchal religious system. She has free will and is able to find information. Unlike the author, she has chosen not to use those to question her role/status in the system but to uphold it.
Correct! No prior contact was made to check on safety or ability, though all financial support (including my own savings) was withheld the second I stepped out of the door to quote "not fund me dating other guys"....
Thank you for the informative background. Was this a Catholic Church? I think the Catholic Church is very keen on preserving the sacrament of marriage. After all, Protestant churches exist because once upon a time the Pope didn't allow the English King to divorce, so the King appointed himself head of the church of England and made his own rules.
As for biblical justification, Jesus acknowledged that Jewish law allowed for divorce, but he recommended against it because it would leave the wife destitute. If we consider the saying "What God has joined together, man shall not separate", can we really accept that a marriage to an abusive husband is God's will?
The point is, even as Christians we can follow our conscience rather than some traditional church leaders who may be corrupt, morally or otherwise.
A non-denominational church! Biblically the understanding is divorce is only allowed when cheating takes place and that was only allowed due to the hardening of hearts, and remarriage isn’t allowed. Matthew 19:7-9 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
It is interesting that Jesus puts the restriction around divorce on men, not on women. Men cannot divorce their wives and remarry except for sexual immorality. Any rule for women concerning the right to divorce or remarry isn't even mentioned. Therefore, all it takes to meet the condition for a legal divorce in this biblical framework is to commit an act of sexual immorality.
Beautifully written piece, I'm glad you've finally found your peace <3
But, I must respectfully dissent from the premise that "traditional roles were justified via the Christian faith". Husbands who weaponized the scripture to compel humility and submission in the face of abuse is not a reflection of the foundational Christian doctrine, but rather a bad faith distortion of it. Bad people within bad institutional churches have perverted the Gospel to shield their own misconduct and also because they are piece of shit.
The fundamental axiom of the New testament establishes strict egalitarianism. In Galatians 3:28 "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus". This verse explicitly strips way the "traditional", "human made" hierarchies of gender and class.
However, you might raise Matthew 19:7-9 as a counter argument that "male focused verse". But, through purposive reading, it reveals that this passage works as a protective measure for women. When Jesus noted that Moses permitted divorce because men were whinny bitches and that their hearts were hard as stones. He was basically calling out the flawed, androcentric legal framework of that time. Also "from the beginning" Christ reinstated the original paradigm of equal partnership. Whilst he recognized sexual immorality as a valid ground for divorce, his main argument was actually a defense of women against arbitrary dismissal by their husbands, again husbands in ancient time were pieces of shit.
When pointing out the grounds such as abuse, drugs addiction or severe neglect, we can apply the constructive abandonment in 1 Corinthians 7:15, "But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances, God has called us to live in peace". So in the context of abuse, the abuser's egregious misconduct breaches the marital covenant, and by destroying the safety and purpose of marriage, the abuser legally and practically abandons the union, leading the victim to flee. I submit that husbands who abuse their wives operate so damn far outside the important tenets of Christianity, they obviously cannot be reasonably said as "a believer" to begin with.
The precedent for non-delegable duty of care to provide basic necessities and uphold marital rights (providing a remedy for willful neglect or mistreatment, an absolute right for the victims to leave the union without any penalty) is codified as far back as Exodus 21:10-11, which summarizes a strict liability about a husband's duty of care "If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money."
The saddest thing is that a lot of women enforcing these roles are also victims of them. They survived their own cages by calling the cage holy, respectable, feminine, mature. Then when another woman tries to walk out, it threatens the whole story they had to tell themselves to stay alive.
CIRCUMCISED COCKS (JUDAISM, CHRISTIANIY, CATHOLIC, Mormonism, ISLAM) & PROFESSORS related CLOTHES with "Westernization, CULTURE & WOMEN EMPOWERMENT". "Clothes adapt to your environment, not your culture". CIRCUMCISED COCKS don't hate female but feminine.
Maturing is realizing that western beauty standards are deeply rooted in pedophilia.Women's Beauty Standards Are Shaped by Pedophilia: https://substack.com/home/post/p-201994708.
4.4 billion people, comprising over 50% of the global population follow DESERT CULTS/CIRCUMCISED GANGS/Middle Eastern THINGS (JUDAISM, CHRISTIANITY & ISLAM), so what's wrong with another CULT(SCIENTOLOGY). Every CULT mentioned here abuses vulnerable (WOMEN & CHILDREN).
i’m 2 years out from deconstructing christianity. my question is this. why do women and black people need movements if the church exists? shouldn’t that be their job…advocating for the oppressed?
why do unhoused and orphans exist?
the church is useless outside of propaganda and indoctrination for the patriarchy.
i’m glad you got out 🫂
Thank you 🤗 and woah, what a journey to go on! 2 years is still fresh too (does the fear of hell go away ever, I’m not sure???) - but yes I absolutely agree. I’m a few years out too, and the further I get from it all, the more independent I become etc…the worse everything I believed in the church and my situation ages
What a great piece, thank you for sharing your story ❤️
Thank you for reading Alice! 🤍 means a lot
This is a wonderfully written piece! I’m so glad you got out
Thank you so much Abby 🤍
This was a beautiful, fulsome picture of the lived experience. Thank you for filling the void.
Thank you for your kind words 🤍 I’m feeling very humbled right now!
I'm amazed this is still happening in 2026. It's like no one read all those novels or memoirs or saw all those movies, docudramas or fictional, about abused women. They were being written/produced from the 1980s through the very recent past.
I think it may represent an attempt to return to childhood, to have someone make all the decisions for you.
Christianity is also an attempt to return to childhood for many people--God the Father telling them what to do. If it was only "God," an abstract representation, it would probably be ok, but the childhood seekers turn to male authority figures such as pastors and priests to tell them what to do.
You've got to take charge of your own life.
I lived it and I’m still amazed too! And we are (or at the least, I was) living in probably the most privileged position it gets, being in Sydney Australia etc. Imagine one step out - rural perhaps? Or another country all together. Often it starts young, more often than not it’s picking at an old wound. I entered my situation very traumatised and still processing, and absolutely *did* want someone to tell me what to do while nothing at all made sense. I’m sure something I’ll eventually unpack properly!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. We need more women in the Assyrian community speaking up and naming these issues to stop the brainwashing under the title of “saving the culture,” “being a good woman,” or “religious beliefs” narratives that too often end up empowering men at women’s expense. Your voice matters, and it creates space for others to speak too ❤️
Thank you so much Nuhara, that means a lot 🤍 absolutely. I don’t need to tell you Assyrian women are built the strongest possible. There needs to be a way out of a bad situation that isn’t rejecting culture or religion, and I hope these safe spaces can grow in the community xx
A woman's ministry leader at a church would be a great ally to have. Do you think she was genuinely interested in helping you, or was she just working within the patriarchal system, not realizing that her goodwill was abused too?
That absolutely would have been the ideal, but I found more often than not church leaders are not trauma-informed or trained to see signs of abuse. I personally don't believe that she thought I was being abused, and ultimately the sin of leaving a marriage would be (in their eyes) much greater than the sin of anything else that could have happened. I believe this because I was still in a very vulnerable state and I asked her, "Well, if I'm being abused, can't I leave a marriage?" She said, "It's important you get to safety; that's what we tell women." I know this way of speaking really well in the church. You can't say outrightly that in no way biblically does it actually allow you to leave a marriage because of abuse. The only reason you can leave is if someone cheats (even then, you can't remarry) or if someone dies. Another person under her in the church (her second in command) actually messaged me a huge paragraph about how I should humble myself and follow God's way, not my own way, and pretty much return to my ex. Beyond that, when I felt strong enough to share a bit more about what happened at church, like some of the stuff the men had said, I reached out to her again, wanting to email the pastor about some of the things that had happened. She was extremely resistant and quite difficult, asking the dreaded "why now?"...but I finally got the email, and when I did email, of course I didn't hear anything back. For context, this was still when I was very Christian and still quite indoctrinated! For further context, I went to bible college for a number of years and studied theology! Sorry for the paragraph
The ministry leader was the flying monkey
Spot on!
The author states she reached out in part to report back to ex. Which she did despite the author disclosing abuse in the marriage. Her motivations were not altruistic rather driven by an agenda. Who knows the level of her complicity with vs use by the patriarchal religious system. She has free will and is able to find information. Unlike the author, she has chosen not to use those to question her role/status in the system but to uphold it.
Correct! No prior contact was made to check on safety or ability, though all financial support (including my own savings) was withheld the second I stepped out of the door to quote "not fund me dating other guys"....
So fantastic to see you find your voice again and to use it to help others. Your story is too c
ommon. Keep up the fight 💪. Be strong
Thank you so much Petra!
Thank you for the informative background. Was this a Catholic Church? I think the Catholic Church is very keen on preserving the sacrament of marriage. After all, Protestant churches exist because once upon a time the Pope didn't allow the English King to divorce, so the King appointed himself head of the church of England and made his own rules.
As for biblical justification, Jesus acknowledged that Jewish law allowed for divorce, but he recommended against it because it would leave the wife destitute. If we consider the saying "What God has joined together, man shall not separate", can we really accept that a marriage to an abusive husband is God's will?
The point is, even as Christians we can follow our conscience rather than some traditional church leaders who may be corrupt, morally or otherwise.
Now I apologize for the lengthy paragraph 😌
A non-denominational church! Biblically the understanding is divorce is only allowed when cheating takes place and that was only allowed due to the hardening of hearts, and remarriage isn’t allowed. Matthew 19:7-9 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
It is interesting that Jesus puts the restriction around divorce on men, not on women. Men cannot divorce their wives and remarry except for sexual immorality. Any rule for women concerning the right to divorce or remarry isn't even mentioned. Therefore, all it takes to meet the condition for a legal divorce in this biblical framework is to commit an act of sexual immorality.
💝
🤍🤍🤍
Beautifully written piece, I'm glad you've finally found your peace <3
But, I must respectfully dissent from the premise that "traditional roles were justified via the Christian faith". Husbands who weaponized the scripture to compel humility and submission in the face of abuse is not a reflection of the foundational Christian doctrine, but rather a bad faith distortion of it. Bad people within bad institutional churches have perverted the Gospel to shield their own misconduct and also because they are piece of shit.
The fundamental axiom of the New testament establishes strict egalitarianism. In Galatians 3:28 "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus". This verse explicitly strips way the "traditional", "human made" hierarchies of gender and class.
However, you might raise Matthew 19:7-9 as a counter argument that "male focused verse". But, through purposive reading, it reveals that this passage works as a protective measure for women. When Jesus noted that Moses permitted divorce because men were whinny bitches and that their hearts were hard as stones. He was basically calling out the flawed, androcentric legal framework of that time. Also "from the beginning" Christ reinstated the original paradigm of equal partnership. Whilst he recognized sexual immorality as a valid ground for divorce, his main argument was actually a defense of women against arbitrary dismissal by their husbands, again husbands in ancient time were pieces of shit.
When pointing out the grounds such as abuse, drugs addiction or severe neglect, we can apply the constructive abandonment in 1 Corinthians 7:15, "But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances, God has called us to live in peace". So in the context of abuse, the abuser's egregious misconduct breaches the marital covenant, and by destroying the safety and purpose of marriage, the abuser legally and practically abandons the union, leading the victim to flee. I submit that husbands who abuse their wives operate so damn far outside the important tenets of Christianity, they obviously cannot be reasonably said as "a believer" to begin with.
The precedent for non-delegable duty of care to provide basic necessities and uphold marital rights (providing a remedy for willful neglect or mistreatment, an absolute right for the victims to leave the union without any penalty) is codified as far back as Exodus 21:10-11, which summarizes a strict liability about a husband's duty of care "If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money."
The saddest thing is that a lot of women enforcing these roles are also victims of them. They survived their own cages by calling the cage holy, respectable, feminine, mature. Then when another woman tries to walk out, it threatens the whole story they had to tell themselves to stay alive.
CIRCUMCISED COCKS (JUDAISM, CHRISTIANIY, CATHOLIC, Mormonism, ISLAM) & PROFESSORS related CLOTHES with "Westernization, CULTURE & WOMEN EMPOWERMENT". "Clothes adapt to your environment, not your culture". CIRCUMCISED COCKS don't hate female but feminine.
Maturing is realizing that western beauty standards are deeply rooted in pedophilia.Women's Beauty Standards Are Shaped by Pedophilia: https://substack.com/home/post/p-201994708.
4.4 billion people, comprising over 50% of the global population follow DESERT CULTS/CIRCUMCISED GANGS/Middle Eastern THINGS (JUDAISM, CHRISTIANITY & ISLAM), so what's wrong with another CULT(SCIENTOLOGY). Every CULT mentioned here abuses vulnerable (WOMEN & CHILDREN).
Hiee. Attempted something very nuanced. Lmk what you think?
https://lostbard.substack.com/p/letter-to-the-young-tradwives-of?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=19ba1x
Thank you Coco!!