The alleged murder of 17-year-old Thunchanok Donhomla at the hands of an Australian man is horrific, but not shocking
Southeast Asian women and girls face disproportionate abuse every day, whether it’s in “sex tourism”, sex trafficking or domestic violence relationships, writes Cheek Media’s Bernadette Clarke.
It is no secret that white men, many Australian, travel to Southeast Asian countries to exploit girls. It’s an icky, uncomfortable truth and a hard topic to digest - especially if you’re like me, with a Filipina Mum and an Australian Dad.
When I mention my heritage, people often say “I bet it’s your Mum who comes from the Philippines hey!?” as if I’m meant to give them a golden sticker for being correct. It is a loaded question. When growing up people would joke that my Mum was only with Dad for his money, discrediting her love. The twisted irony is that men are exploiting Asian women, not the other way around. It’s the women and girls who are the brunt of the joke, yet they are the ones dying.
Thunchanok Donhomla from Thailand was murdered last week. She was a 17-year-old girl. Her life was cut short, allegedly, by an Australian man who stuffed her body into a suitcase before disposing of it.
45-year-old Simon Peter Carman has been charged with her murder.
Thunchanok’s Aunty, Mee Boonsert, told ABC News that she wished she could give her own life in place of her niece’s, saying: “I love her more than I love myself.”
While commercial media diminishes Thunchanok’s humanity with newspaper headlines like “Girl in Suitcase Arrest”, it’s important to remember that she was a teenager with a whole life ahead of her.
It’s also important to consider that the way in which Thunchanok Donhomla’s life was treated as disposable is not shocking, because it’s widespread. Southeast Asian women and girls are disproportionately abused every day whether it’s in “sex tourism”, sex trafficking or domestic violence relationships.
A quick look at Australian Federal Police media releases reveals a string of disturbing cases involving Australian men and children from Southeast Asian countries. One I came across was related to the alleged abuse of 111 children in the Philippines, where a WA man was arrested and charged in 2024.
There is no excuse for such vile behaviour, but what we must do is question why Southeast Asian women and girls are so overrepresented - and that starts with stereotypes. There is a white saviour narrative that they need financial support, and so must be “submissive” or “silent”. Meanwhile, cultural norms and survived colonialism paint a picture to predatory men that these women are “compliant”.
Founder of Women’s Lantern, 35-year-old Ratu Nida Farihah, from Indonesia, calls this “racialised sexualisation”:
“These men see us as an object that is submissive, that is exotic, that is grateful, that is easy, and that’s the reason why they see us as less compared to other races,” she tells Cheek.
“It is harmful because it makes men see a certain way and treat these people with culture in a certain way.”
“When they think that they have more power, they can become violent. Violence is really about power imbalance.”
Typically, in Southeast Asian culture, we focus on the collective rather than the individual. This means harmony is often chosen over confrontation. Family is prioritised over drama. Qualities that, heartbreakingly, are taken advantage of by evil men who misread such traits as “submissive” or “easy”.
The nuance lies in the distinction between non-confrontational characteristics shaped by cultural norms, versus the problematic stereotypes imposed by Westerners.
The reality is, at least for my family, that my Filipina Mum is loud, forthcoming and outspoken.
Southeast Asian women and girls contain multitudes of personality. But I shouldn’t have to explain that.
Ratu is a fierce advocate for survivors of domestic and sexual abuse. She draws on her own lived experience of surviving domestic violence and navigating coercive control to help vulnerable Southeast Asian women in Australia.
She says that harmful stereotypes can snowball into homicide.
“On the rape pyramid, on top of it is, of course, femicide, then sexual and physical violence, but below is stereotyping women.”
“When we are perceived as less powerful or less credible, that stereotyping can go up into rape or into homicide.”
Ratu also says victim blaming is rife when Southeast Asian women and girls like Thunchanok Donhomla are murdered.
“They will blame the woman who wants to go with an older man, without questioning why choices were being taken away, support was being taken away or protection was being taken away.”
“People stereotype a certain culture and normalise it by putting the blame on the victims or the culture without asking the question; how could that happen?”
“What choice is being taken away? Is poverty making this happen? The financial dependency? The very low protection for these women and girls from Southeast Asian backgrounds?”
“I think that the bigger system of problems is losing its part in this conversation.”
While we know 1 in 3 migrant women experience domestic violence in Australia, we don’t have a national database that tells us about the Southeast Asian experience specifically.
There is, however, research that shows Thai women in Australia are seven times more likely to be victims of domestic violence, while Filipino women in Australia are almost six times more likely to be victims of homicide than other Australian women.
Between 1980 and 2007, seven Filipina children and 27 Filipina women were killed at the hands of a man in Australia. We don’t have more recent statistics because the organisation behind the database, Solidarity Philippines Network, has stopped reporting.
Ratu suspects there are more recent deaths from the Southeast Asian diaspora in Australia.
“I’m looking for funding to do the research, specifically for Southeast Asia, gender-based violence, I think that would be really useful.”
She also believes that numbers are much higher than reported, due to a cultural discomfort in confronting abusers. Ratu also worries the diaspora doesn’t have the tools to recognise the red flags to begin with.
“My hypothesis is that gender-based violence is very normalised in our culture, compared to the Indian community and the Arab community, who’ve become very strong in advocating against it.”
“When I talk to the Southeast Asian community and women, the reaction that I receive is they act as if it doesn’t happen, maybe because it’s just too hard to face. Ignorance is bliss.”
Ratu works hard to help Southeast Asian women and girl survivors find their voice, and remind them that stereotypes are just that: stereotypes, not something that defines them.
She has also recently published a book named Homecoming - The Art & Practice of Trauma Recovery, and hopes to empower people through her story.
While Ratu dedicates her life to the cause, the wider community must do better at pushing back on harmful stereotypes perpetuated by casual racism and careless reporting.
About the author
Bernadette Clarke is a Digital Journalist at Cheek Media. As a third-culture kid, she is passionate about writing from a Filipina-x-Aussie lens. Bernie, as we more affectionately call her, is also an avid ocean-lover who grew up in a small coastal town, so she is committed to reporting on regional affairs and the effects of climate change.
Incredibly impactful piece Bernie, your first for Cheek!!!!!! So glad to have your voice in our office.
Thank you for writing this article. My PhD was on the media’s reporting of domestic homicides back between 2017-2020. Your thorough, informed and context based writing is such a relief to read although devastating that it has to be written in the first place.